Welcome to the abysss.. Is there a Vietnamese dream and where do i find it?

..Given that there seem to be no traffic laws in Saigon, nor that they would be followed if there were, crossing a major street becomes somewhat of a trial in trust and pure adrenaline. You look left, and unlike most other cities it isn't a simple matter of waiting for a break in the traffic. There isn't one. Bicycles and cyclos travel at a leisurley 20 km/h or so while cars race by at speeds around 50. Busses move slower but will completely block your path in the middle of the street. And what's worse is there is no constant moto speed apparent. They are all travelling in masive swarms sounding like god-forsaken motorized bees spewing their noxious fumes into the air.

So.

You just step out. Yup, right into fucking speeding traffic. You make eye contact left until you reach the centre of the street then, assuming no one will just run you down - the motos are quite manouverable and most drivers skilled they swerve around any and all obstacles- then looking right you repeat the process. The trick is to NEVER run and for the love of all that is holy, don't stop. Running puts you into their sights and the bastards don't know how to handle a moving target. Frozen still and you're worse off as it's actually easier to avoid a slowly moving target. Done correctly it is a wonder to watch 5 pedestrians dance in and out of full speed traffic which barely slows. (I will be uploading some vids to show you guys this amazing process)

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The Vietnam War Crimes museum suffers from a bit of schizophrenia. Like Saigon/Ho Ch Minh City, it too has changed names a number of times and just finished renovations last year. The museum exists ostensibly as an educational tool to inform visitors about the various colonial attrocities and war crimes commited by foreign powers against the People of Vietnam.

Lying somewhere between snuff mag/freakshow and military hardware museum the site boasts a sprawling courtyard in which long forgotten Us fighter planes and tanks dot the landscape. Tourist couples kiss in front of war machines, ignorant of the realites of the Hell that said machines brought to this country. Inside the humid complex is a winding series of wall mounted displays which show news clippings, various quotes from bothe sides and a massive collection of bloody, macabre, examples of the various attrocities commited during the Vietnam War and by the french colonial powers. Mutated babies, phosphorous burn victimes, decapitated POW's and land-mine victims were nauseating at times but prescient in there power to affect the viewer, seeing a farmer throen from a helicopter or dragged behind a tank shows that the cliche about pictures and their word-value wrings true.

After viewing the assorted small arms and heavy machine guns, the ammunition and the massive ordinance, the grenades, and the bazookas one is then ushered into a room of childrens artwork about peace. It was banal and i quickly became bored.

My morbid curiosity however was peaked when upon arriving outside I stumbled upon a full scale recreation of the jailing system used by the French to house dissidents and subversives. They used a system called a tiget trap in which between 5 and 15 people could be locked into a tiny space, completely dark except fot the bars overhead through which the guards could look down on them. Added to this was acruel shackling device that lock around the prisoners ankles forcing them to remain in a partially seated position, unable to fully lie down or turn over. Many people became partially paralyzed or had to have limbs amputated as a result of these torture devices. If malnutrion or infection didn't kill you then the French Guillotines would finish the jobs.

Feeling a bit of moral outrage and depression at the trials of the Vietnamese i went outside and was promptly ripped of for a bottle of water paying 4 times the accepted rate.

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Notre Dame Cathedral. It looks like the one in Paris but a bit smaller. I guess thats cool if you are into that kind of thing. We were pestered continuously by small children selling gum and flowers, i wanted a beer and some food so we carried on. Stopping at Pho 24 we decided to try some of the local beef soup that Lexy and i eat 3 or 4 times a week back home. We later learned that we had chosen the McDonalds equivalent to Pho in Saigon, or i suppose the Pho Hoa version from back home. The service started out well but the language barrier resulted in a number of mistakes and we were unable to communicate "vegetarian" to them for Dave and Landon's sake. Dave had tea. Landon went next door.

The pho broth was excellent with the right mix of anise and pepper a light beefy flavour and a bit of cinnamon and basil. The meat quality though was something i would soon become accustomed to at cheaper eateries in Saigon. The cuts of beef are all quite small and stringy, not gristley per say but more like end cuts and trimmings. This wasn't true at the more expensive places we ate at but hey, i'm on a fucking budget here, I can't eat Waygu Beef every day. Satiated, i guess, we resumed our semi-circular trek back towards Pham Ngu Lao, the backpacker district we were staying in. As we walked taking in the overwhelming sights sounds and smells of Saigon we passed by a nice dark wood establishment with a massive sign promoting their German Beer. Hell's yes i want a fucking German beer.

We were seated in a beautiful courtyard and ordered our .5 litre Adlerbrau (Eagle Beer - Fuck Yeah!) and proceeded to drink one of the best beers i have had outside of Czech. My usual fare in Saigon had been Tiger beer, a drinkable and when cold enjoyable Singaporean brewed lager that is quite crisp and clean with a nice malty sweetness. The Adlerbrau was wonderful though, I had chosen the Lager and it was smooth but complex with a nice clean bitter aftertaste that was almost a bit herbal. This stands high above the other beer choice for the budget traveller in Saigon and the drink of the unwashed masses Bia Hơi (Vietnamese fresh beer). Bia Hoi appeared in Vietnam in the 1890s, after the secrets of brewing were introduced by the French. Just one place, the Hommel brewery, turned out the stuff, and it was a fairly modest enterprise employing just 30 workers capable of producing 150 litres a day. The beer was also sold bottled, but it was so expensive that it was only for the wealthy people.

After the French left Vietnam in 1954, the Hommel brewery was renamed the Hanoi Brewery. But the refreshing amber fluid still took a while to become popular, until the brewery hit on the novel idea of producing an instant draught beer known as Bia Hơi, literally translated as “fresh beer”.

The Fresh Beer is only 4% so you have to drink a boatload of it, but seeing that it is only partially fermented you risk getting queasy from over comsuption. The good thing about Bia Hoi however is that it's price tag of 3000 VND is about 35 cents, added to that is that there are o preservatives or additives so headaches and shite hangoevers are rare. Unless you drink 6 litres of the stuff.

It tastes... Ok i guess. Very herbally and kind of like marijuana. It tastes green and is not super carbonated... It also goes bad in about a day which explains the necessity to sell it for around 3-5000 VND (about 40 cents) We drank at a Bia Hoi spot perched on small plastic chairs surrounded by locals chewing on dried cuttleffish and all laughing and talking uproariously. It was a great find and we soon left stumbling into the streets on the search for more fun and learning that dodgings scooters and cars is much more fun when one is totally trashed.

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